Our days are pretty low key as stimulation, even conversation, is overwhelming for Mom. She likes the quiet and solitude of staying in the house and working her puzzles everyday. At least while she’s got the book and the pencil in her hand she can’t pick at her skin. Our days are full of a lot of redirection. This is not meant in a derogatory way but is meant to be fully transparent about dealing with Alzheimer. Most of the time we have to reason with my Mom similar to reasoning with a toddler. I’ve never been known for my patience but I find that I have infinite patience with her. That’s a blessing, no matter how you look at it.
Being a caregiver has it’s challenges. I will be 67 next month and this isn’t how I planned to spend my golden years. That’s okay. Caring for my Mom is my responsibility and an act of love. I have no siblings to help and must depend on hiring people to get a break. As a caregiver, one can’t leave the house for any period of time without someone coming in to “help” Mom. Yesterday my dear friend, Tracey, took me out to lunch at a new, nearby restaurant. 44th and Kings, a nice little place. We were gone about two hours and the neighbors watched out for my Mom while we were out. It was revitalizing to get away and laugh and joke and catch up with my dear friend. I felt like myself and a real person. I miss that part of my life. The travel, the meals out with friends, the things are too numerous to list. When we get into a better routine we’ll be able to have structured help and I, as a caregiver, can do a little more for myself to stay sane. Hope that happens soon.
Many decisions are being made. We will probably live at my Mom’s place for the foreseeable future. We have been living two weeks at Mom’s and two weeks at my house at Myrtle Beach. Each trip is hard for her and I believe it will be best for her to be in a stable place that is familiar to her for as long as she is able. We will probably go to her house this week. I have a business in Myrtle Beach and two homes. I want to keep my residency here so there are issues to be addressed. Planning is key to everything. Planning gives peace of mind.
After lunch with Tracey I returned home to find Mom sitting right where I left her, puzzle book in hand. She ate 1/2 of a pimento cheese sandwich and ice cream for lunch. I did some chores and took a little nap. Mom had eaten a soup mug of chocolate chip ice cream for dinner and was too full for the planned nutritious meal. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and let it be. Life is short, especially for her.
Mom has started taking her CPAP mask off during the night. Now she seldom will tolerate it except for a few hours. Even if she quits wearing it altogether, why worry her about it. She doesn’t understand and it will just add stress for her. We aren’t looking for battles, we are looking for peace. At 83, how much can not using the CPAP shorten her life? It isn’t important in the greater scheme of things.
Mom woke up at 10 AM today and had her usual Greek Yogurt (after I redirected from ice cream) for breakfast and is already into her puzzles. She’s not talking much today, which is okay. Today looks like a quiet day. I may get some chores done but I may not. This journey may be a loss of self for my Mom but it is also a journey of self reflection and self awareness. It’s hard for me but I’m equally sure that it is harder for my Mom.
More to follow. I hope this baring of our truths can help others. That is the goal.