Fears – Alzheimer’s in the Family

Mom did pretty well at home at the beach. She forgot about wanting to slap jaws and we even got her to go out to PF Chang’s for a late lunch on Sunday. Out of the 11 days we were there, we got her out of the house one time.

Mom fears leaving the house, showers, falling, and various other irrational things. Sometimes I believe she fears eating. Mom has always lived her life and made her decisions from a place of fear. Alzheimer’s has intensified her old and new fears. I’m learning how to manage her and make her feel safe. It isn’t an easy task.

Mom lost 4.4 pounds from 8/23 to 9/2. She just cannot eat, although she tries. Sometimes she even refuses her beloved ice cream. I offer food several times a day and have gotten used to her rejections. There are no arguments and no forcing. Just multiple tries each day.

Monday she decided she would make her own darn sandwich and didn’t want my help. She Rollatored over to the refrigerator and opened both doors and just stared in. Bread and deli items were in full view. After 5 minutes of her standing there with the doors open, I asked her if I could help. She said no and continued to stand there. She couldn’t figure out how to remove the items from the refrigerator. It was sad to watch. After 15 minutes, with the door ajar buzzer buzzing, I went over and made her sandwich. She laughed at me the whole time. I laughed with her. She ate 1/2 of the sandwich and was full. Such is our days.

Mom was getting worried about the hurricane, overly so. We had to limit the TV because it caused her so much stress. She calls it a hurrican and was sure we would all be killed, so, we came back to her house in Newton Grove. She’s still fearful about it here but there is no scary ocean outside. It’s all about making her feel safe.

We finished with the heart monitor on Monday. She did pretty good with it but was getting more and more aggressive about taking it apart. I was extremely happy to put it back in the case in one piece and UPS it back. It was a close one. Mom’s BP has ranged from 161/79 to 89/53 for several weeks. Her pulse for the last several days has been steady at 54. Hope the doctor can do something to help but if it’s from not eating, I don’t know how much they can do. We’ll see.

So now I must share a few concerns. The job I have is hard. It’s hard for mom. We appreciate all the kind words, deeds, and prayers. That said, we don’t need to hear negativity about how I’m handling things and what I should or could do or that I’m not doing enough. Stopping in for 15 minutes or so a week doesn’t give the whole picture. Calling for an update once every 60 days or so and then updating family and friends that everything is good isn’t helpful. It’s not your story to tell. Respect us and respect the decisions that have to be made. Build up and don’t tear down. I don’t have time for any of this and it certainly isn’t helping my mom.

I appreciate all of you and believe you are coming from a place of love. The fact remains that the decisions are on me and I’m doing the best that I can, taking into consideration doctor recommendations and support groups and being as educated as I can on this horrid disease.

More later.