Withering Away – Alzheimer’s in the Family

We are back at Myrtle Beach as of Saturday afternoon. It has been a hectic few days. Mom is on the waiting list at Day Spring and there are only three ahead of her. That is good news.

We are waiting on the confirmation letter from social security before we can open an application for aid. This will be the second attempt and it takes weeks because of the bureaucracy. In the meantime if a room opens up it will be self pay until the applications is filed. We are hopeful.

Mom has lost 5.1 pounds in 8 days. Today she ate 1/2 serving of yogurt and 2 bites of a sandwich . She asked me to please not feed her anymore today. She just can’t eat. It’s sad to watch and be totally helpless to help her. This disease is devastating.

I got to take breaks on Saturday and Sunday nights thanks to Ilona taking care of mom so I could get a much needed rest. Thanks to Ray for the company and the movies. I appreciate both Ray and Ilona so much. My friends and family make this journey more tolerable.

I’ve been cooking for Thanksgiving today. We are having what I call an orphan holiday late lunch at my house, for people who can’t home or don’t have a home to go to. Mom has been instructing me about the food, but bless her, she can’t remember and can’t help. We laugh and carry on. We will be spending the weekend celebrating Thanksgiving with family.

I really don’t know why but today has been a weepy day for me. I’ve cried at the drop of a hat. Maybe I just need a cleansing cry. These days have happened every few weeks in this journey so I just go with it and then it passes.

So now for thoughts about action plans for both young and old. Trust me, if you do these things your family will have an easier time if one becomes incapacitated for any reason.

– make a living will and have it notarized and/or registered with the clerk of court

-create a durable power of attorney, if you have this in place your wishes can be legally followed

a. name someone you can trust and alternates as POA

b.covers medical, real estate, investments and other issues

c.use an attorney and have it filed with the clerk of court

d.it isn’t expensive

e.your family will be grateful

-create a list of assets: life insurance, financial accounts, real estate, jewelry, cars, anything of a positive value/include account numbers if applicable

-create a list of liabilities/bills/people you owe. Include account numbers and phone numbers

-get long term care insurance (if you are younger the premium is very low, if older it can be expensive) it will protect your assets if you become incapacitated

-avoid the mindset that it won’t happen to you or that you have “lot’s of time”

-if you notice a family member in decline don’t wait too long to intervene

I will be adding more to this list soon. It is really important to address these things to avoid delays and hardships in getting things that you need. While it will not remove stress it will reduce stress and frustrations to your loved ones when they are trying to help you.

My journey with mom has been stressful and frustrating because many of these things were not done. Also, in hindsight, she was making bad decisions for the last 10 years. It tells me that she was astute at hiding her fading memory. Unfortunately, doctors don’t make a diagnosis until they can no longer handle finances or get lost while driving. In my opinion, by this time your loved one has been in danger for way too long. This needs to change.

There will be more later. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. We intend to here.