Tis the Season -Alzheimer’s in the Family

Mom has been doing better since her hospital stay. We’ve had follow ups with her cardiologist and PCP. They say she is doing okay and that I’m doing a good job caring for her.

Her hospital records indicated that mom was in acute kidney failure when admitted. The records listed Alzheimer’s and A-Fib as 2 and 3 in order of illness. There were 12 other issues that were also being treated.

We have 3 new medications. One is given only when her heart rate exceeds 100. Metoprolol is given as needed. She gets Megace twice a day to stimulate appetite and Remeron at bedtime which helps her sleep but also increases her appetite. Win win.

Since starting the Remeron mom has slept through the night. Hallelujah! She is more rested and she is eating more. The goal is to stabilize her weight where it is. I am hopeful. We still have difficulty getting her to drink enough. If she dehydrates again it’s another trip to the hospital. All the doctors have told us that if she wasn’t overweight at the start of this that we would already have lost her. It’s good to have some reserves. Mom has gone from 220 to 154 since last January.

Mom continues to be extremely confused. She has lost the last 7 months of her life. She tells doctors that she lives alone and takes care of all her business. She told them she was visiting me for Christmas and got sick. None of this is true. While she is feeling better after her hospital stay, she is very tired.

We are taking one day at a time. It is all we can do. My goal is to keep mom safe and hydrated. This is a huge task. I also hope to get her placed in memory care before we have major issues at home. Every day is a challenge. I am suffering from burnout and it’s affecting my health. I do get breaks here and there but not enough to recharge.

I hope to bring in home health for 3 days a week for 4 or 5 hours each day. I’m screening people now. It’s a process to find the right person. Hopefully mom will accept their help. I have business issues that have been languishing and also need to get Tom’s estate finalized. It’s been over three years since he past. Most days I feel stressed at all of the responsibilities. Sometimes I just have to let things slide. There is only one of me.

Before I close I’d like to touch on the feelings of guilt. I try hard not to feel guilty about choices. Hell, I’ve been in therapy to learn how to not feel guilty. That said, mom always said she wants to stay at home. Not possible. She says that I might as well put her in prison when I just keep her safe. Examples: she can’t take her Rollator up and down steps. She can’t walk without assistance and she tries. She also can’t handle knives or other sharp objects. I am conflicted but do not feel guilty for the choices I have to make.

Making the choice for memory care was hard. Mom will resist but she will get stimulation and be in a program that will help with her situation. The one I’ve chosen also does music therapy as it’s very productive for Alzheimer’s patients. They’ve already asked for a list of what she likes to listen to.

Some have said that I can do all this at home. It doesn’t work that way. Mom will not listen to me. Many days she won’t communicate with me. She tries to please others and authority figures. Her life will be richer than what I can provide. I can go back to being her daughter instead of a 24/7 caregiver. We both can live a more meaningful life.

I guess what I’m trying to convey is this: many love my mother. Many spend about 15 minutes with her about once a month. Some of these people keep telling me I need to keep her in Newton Grove or how hurt she would be if I do xyz. While I appreciate that you love my mom, just stop it. It isn’t your life or your decisions to make. It really doesn’t impact you in any way and I don’t succumb to guilt.

Rest assured that I’m doing the very best for my mom. I am driven simply to make decisions based on her safety and enrichment. I love her dearly and seek only the best for her. Sometimes that doesn’t include keeping her at home.

More later.

One thought on “Tis the Season -Alzheimer’s in the Family

  1. You have been and are doing a great job in caring for her. Gene and I appreciate all you do and we are in your corner. Love you both.


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